A first person account by Mr. Fatty Pants!!

Friends,

  "What are your legs?"
  "STEEL SPRINGS!"
  "What are they going to do?"
  "CARRY ME DOWN THE TRACK!"
  "What you going to run like?"
   "A LEOPARD!"
                   -GALIPOLLI (with Mel Gibson)

Mr. Fatty Pants thanks you again for your kind sponsorship. Despite the cruel and unusual awakening that greeted me yestermorn at THE GREAT HUMAN RACE upon witnessing a veritable sea of overly fit, "psyched-to-win", pink & spidery Demons from Hell; I was able to run my personal best and come in a degrading FIFTY EIGHTH with a 5K time of 22:41.

My greatest consolation is knowing that the wild- haired, female urchin of 9 or 10 years who edged me out in the penultimate leg of the race (or "embittering road battle") went down easily in the home stretch. I'm sure the rematch next year when she turns 11 will be vicious and unpalatable.

My second greatest consolation is that Sir Fatty and His Knights raised over $6000 for Manbites Dog Theater. Your contribution has been a mighty one; and though some of you were

 enjoying the fruits of your starched bedclothes

or

 perhaps savoring a dulcet soft-boiled egg in its gilded eggcup

while Mr. Fatty Pants ran like a Berzerker Dipped In Creosote from the Torch of His Own Mortality at 9:30 am on a Saturday morning through the Bull City:

Know that in your great way you were aiding the Forces of Good!

Still All Sweaty,

M. F. P.

Click here to go back to photos page.

(c) 2001-2012 Manbites Dog Theater Company, Durham, NC